Thursday, November 30, 2006
I keep being on the point of saying something, but then I find I can't.
All week I've been on the verge of revealing how I feel as we approach the denouement of the epic Departmental Restructure Saga but ... nothing comes out.
I open my mouth and, instead of a flood of venomous digs at managerial ineptitude, spinelessness and crassness, or an inarticulate, over-emotional tirade ending in "It's not fair" and a childish foot stamp or two, or even a trickle of measured, well thought out constructive criticism: Nothing!
Just a weak sigh, a roll of the eyes and a tiny shrug of the shoulders.
Then, this morning, during the grand Departmental Restructure Ultimate Reveal meeting the most I could manage was one limp sentence stating that LineManager's* assertion that anyone who was less than overjoyed about The Future was a change-phobic neg-head** was over-hasty and downright unfair***.
I have become battle weary and ground down.
Or maybe what's really bothering me is that after today I am powerless.
I've signed my last clock-in card adjustment and authorised my final leave slip.
I wonder how long it will be before I hear myself say: "Sorry, I'm not paid to do that".
I think I'll hate myself if I do.
On a happier note; the sky was lovely this morning.
*Or 'ExLineManager' as I shall now, rather clumsily, have to refer to him.
**My interpretation of his words, not his actual words.
***Not my actual words either (I think my actual words contained the phrase "it's not fair") but what I meant.
The Road - Jackson Browne
Maybe I'm Amazed - Wings
Oh Daddy - Fleetwood Mac
One More Day - Rosie Thomas
Straight To You Boy - Martin Newell
Candy - Ash
Galveston - Glen Campbell
Black Coffee - All Saints