Thursday, November 30, 2006
I keep being on the point of saying something, but then I find I can't.
All week I've been on the verge of revealing how I feel as we approach the denouement of the epic Departmental Restructure Saga but ... nothing comes out.
I open my mouth and, instead of a flood of venomous digs at managerial ineptitude, spinelessness and crassness, or an inarticulate, over-emotional tirade ending in "It's not fair" and a childish foot stamp or two, or even a trickle of measured, well thought out constructive criticism: Nothing!
Just a weak sigh, a roll of the eyes and a tiny shrug of the shoulders.
Then, this morning, during the grand Departmental Restructure Ultimate Reveal meeting the most I could manage was one limp sentence stating that LineManager's* assertion that anyone who was less than overjoyed about The Future was a change-phobic neg-head** was over-hasty and downright unfair***.
I have become battle weary and ground down.
Or maybe what's really bothering me is that after today I am powerless.
I've signed my last clock-in card adjustment and authorised my final leave slip.
I wonder how long it will be before I hear myself say: "Sorry, I'm not paid to do that".
I think I'll hate myself if I do.
On a happier note; the sky was lovely this morning.
*Or 'ExLineManager' as I shall now, rather clumsily, have to refer to him.
**My interpretation of his words, not his actual words.
***Not my actual words either (I think my actual words contained the phrase "it's not fair") but what I meant.
The Road - Jackson Browne
Maybe I'm Amazed - Wings
Oh Daddy - Fleetwood Mac
One More Day - Rosie Thomas
Straight To You Boy - Martin Newell
Candy - Ash
Galveston - Glen Campbell
Black Coffee - All Saints
Monday, November 27, 2006
Friday, November 24, 2006
Best five minutes of the day so far?
An M&S apple turnover at 10.45
Oh! Either that, or else the five minutes before I woke up.
Sick Day – Fountains Of Wayne
Dirty Dream Number Two – Belle & Sebastian
Reel Around The Fountain – The Smiths
Sixteen Maybe Less – Calexico/Iron & Wine
Tiny Vessels – Death Cab For Cutie
Yours & Mine - Calexico
And When She Was Bad – Cinerama
Quick, Before It Melts- Cinerama
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Only one thing made me smile all day.
Bruce "Two Dogs" Bozsum meets the Queen.
And that was because (on Radio Four at least) it's pronounced 'bosom'.
Transatlanticism - Death Cab For Cutie
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Spent the day in a wind tunnel, sandwiched between Keira Knightey and Orlando Bloom, wishing I was wearing the bear suit.
And all for this!
A Lack Of Color - Death Cab For Cutie
This Guitar Says Sorry - Billy Bragg
A Day like Today - Tom McRae
Don't Deconstruct - Rilo Kiley
Say It Again - Badly Drawn Boy
Black Star - Radiohead
Girlfriend In A Coma - The Smiths
Help The Aged - Pulp
Monday, November 20, 2006
9.06 Twenty Nine Minutes Late
They’re not doing Monday mornings at the moment.
It’s understandable, after all I’m not over keen myself and funnily enough the day is getting no better.
Electro-Shock Blues - Eels
Friday, November 17, 2006
Bless Your Soul;You Really Think You're In Control?
GeekBoy is on the train again.
He followed his dream, but his dream turned sour, so he’s back where he was.
In a way it’s a sad story, but mostly it isn’t.
He gave it a go and it didn’t work out.
He’s no worse off and there are no regrets.
He won’t become bitter and twisted, muttering darkly about thwarted ambition, nursing half a Guinness and a grudge, until finally, spectacularly, running amok through his office. Naked, but for a daub of tippex in lieu of woad and a sword-belt fashioned from outsize paper clips, wielding an industrial strength stapler with deadly accuracy, while the neighbours shake their heads and say : “but he was such a quiet lad…who’d have thought it?”
Which is what could happen to some people.
Crazy – Gnarls Barkley
Bewildered – Rufus Wainwright
Love Will Tear Us Apart – Jose Gonzales
Indiana Wants Me – R Dean Taylor
Hey There, Lonely Girl – Eddie Holman
White Horses – Jackie
Blackbird – The Beatles
Wonderful Woman – The Smiths
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
And they weren’t good.
Not for me anyway.
At least I wasn’t so distressed that I had to go home to consider my future.
It’s a tricky one and no mistake: first three thoughts.
How dare you say I’m not good enough? - I’m so upset
How dare you say I’m not good enough? - I’m so angry
How dare you say I’m not good enough? - I’m so humiliated
As ever, it’s the wounded pride which is most difficult to deal with.
Thankfully I've been practicing my ‘gracious in defeat’ face.
Anyway, apologies to anyone who had their fingers crossed at any point.
I let you down there didn’t I?
Monday, November 13, 2006
Suffice To Say You Love Me, Can't Say That I Blame You
But, hey, never mind, because I just found "Suffice To Say" by The Yachts and snaffled it as one of my 'free 25'.
Straight back to the Fresher's Ball, September 1980. Me, in the Refectory,
(Am I too easily impressed?)
Think I preferred "Love You Love You" but it's been so long.
On the downside, I've inadvertently ended up with a crap live version of The Brothers Johnson "Strawberry Letter 23" ; sometimes 29 seconds isn't enough to judge....So, with only two downloads remaining ... "Reconnez Cherie" anyone?
Empty Chairs - Don McLean
Happy Together - The Turtles
It's My Party And I'll Cry If I Want To - Lesley Gore
You'll Never Walk Alone - Gerry & The Pacemakers
The Impossible Dream - Jokers Wild
I Walk The Line - Johnny Cash
Sara - Ben Weaver
8.10 Seven Minutes Late
Trotted off to the Pictures to see "The History Boys" on Friday, Alan Bennett being up there in the top two of my list of "Favourite Yorkshiremen named Alan".
Delighted to notice some subtle product placement on behalf of Seabrooks (World's Greatest Crisp). Although, when I watch it again on DVD, I will be pausing to check whether they managed to use an authentic transparent 80's style "More" than a "Snack" packet, or as I fear happened, one of those distressing newfangled foil bags.
I didn't let it spoil the film for me though.
Below are some of the things that can happen when you spend Sunday night choosing your 25 free downloads from www.emusic.comAfternoon Delight - Starland Vocal Band
Homely Girl - The Chi-Lites
Betcha By Golly Wow - The Stylistics
The Night - Soft Cell
Leader Of The Pack - The Shangri Las
Dream Scream - Death Cab For Cutie
Gilsan Street - Richmond Fontaine
More Than I Miss You - Ben Weaver
This Land Is Your Land - Woody Guthrie
Thursday, November 09, 2006
That thing's happened again.
One minute you've never even heard of a band, next minute they're everywhere (or all over this month's Word magazine at least) and you think you're some kind of expert.
You see, we saw Beirut supporting Calexico at the Roundhouse last Sunday.
At 8.00pm I knew nothing about them, although the array of ukeleles was a good sign. As was the fact that there were plenty in the audience who had obviously gone along purely to worship at the shrine of infant prodigy Zach Condon. (He's from New Mexico you know, but bizarrely sounds as though he learnt English by listening to Scott Walker under a duvet in Slovakia.)
By 9.00pm I was sold. Oh yes, Tragicomic-Post-LoFi-Gypsy is the future. Trust me.
Maybe I was seduced by the infectious enthusiasm (it wouldn't be the first time) but I hope not, because I do want Beirut to be as good as I thought they were.
Brandenburg - Beirut
19th Nervous Breakdown - The Rolling Stones
I've Just Seen A Face - The Beatles
Song 2 - Blur
With Arms Outstretched - Rilo Kiley
She's Losing It - Belle & Sebastian
Mayor Of Simpleton - XTC
There There - Radiohead
Oh Superman - Lori Anderson
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Hmmm ... any positive things from today?
IneffectualManager was kind and tried his best to drag the answers from me, without once staring at my chest.
Other than that, pretty crappy actually. If I'd been asked which football team I support I think my answer would've been: "...erm, Coldplay?"
Despite being due to start at 11.00 it was 12.30 before I was 'called'.
It played havoc with my preparation; 'peaked too soon' doesn't come into it.
I'd gone beyond nerves, into tension, and through hysteria finally fetching up at icy calm, and slightly bored.
Icy calm and slightly bored is not ideal for an interview situation. Adrenalin is needed to kick-start the self-aggrandisement chemicals and remember - exaggeration is not lying.
But now, it's all over and I'm left to dwell on the dumb responses and even more on the endless endless endless ... silences.
I did get to say "I think we need to be engaging with the MySpace Generation" though. The panel looked puzzled, but they wrote it down.
One By One - Wilco
Tinseltown In The Rain - The Blue Nile
Portastudio - Roddy Frame
Leaving New York - REM
Evaporated - Ben Folds Five
Stretch Out & Wait - The Smiths
Planet Telex - Radiohead
All We Have Is Now - Flaming Lips
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
I am quietly, unobtrusively, desperately panicking.
Tomorrow is the interview for that job I have to get if I don't want to go backwards.
There are seven positions available. I've been doing it for three years already. Piece of piss you might think? However, there are at least twelve other people up for it. Possibly as many as twenty. This time, IneffctualManager is on the panel. I joked that I might wear something low-cut to distract him.
Now, I'm not sure it was a joke.
Charlie said I should have vodka for breakfast, because: "Everyone thinks they're great when they're drunk"
Now, I'm not sure it was a joke.
I hate stuff that matters. It undermines my natural triviality and also encourages vulnerability, which I am particularly 'anti'.
LineManager hadn't spoken to me at all, all day, although apparently he's been behaving as if last week never happened. Then he wished me "Good Luck" as he was leaving. I snubbed him. I don't think Leanne was comfortable with my display of petulance.
"So, why are you the best person for the job?"
Come on now, what did we rehearse...?
Lady Memphis - Johnathan Rice
Yes - McAlmont & Butler
The Same Deep Water As Me - I Am Kloot
Such Great Heights - Iron & Wine
Graveyard - Loudon Wainwright III
Girl - The Beatles
Go, Or Go Ahead - Rufus Wainwright
Now It's On - Grandaddy
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Blacking Out The Friction
"Mood Watch": Day Two
It happened again.
A different target this time, and one who was almost reduced to tears.
Apart from that, he didn't speak to any of us all day.
There are a few theories circulating. Lazy, Crazy & Madam (as appositely dubbed by Charlie) are all out of the Office for the next couple of weeks.
Theory one is that he is hormonal because he's missing Madam.
Theory two is that the lot of them have dumped their caseloads on him and we are paying for it.
Theory three is he's just a miserable, moody bastard who'll snap out of it tomorrow and pretend there was never anything amiss.
The Photo Album - Death Cab For Cutie