Wednesday, August 13, 2008
The Boy Done Good. (The Girls Done Better)
Unilaterally and unanimously it has been decided that the BBC's Olympic Highlights programme is shit.
Don't they understand? We've been at work all day - following what's going on via live text or watching videos on the BBC web site is not an option. When we walk through the door we don't know who won what or how close the contest was.
Two minutes into the highlights show and Gabby Logan has gleefully told us the outcome of every event we are about to see, pretty effectively disposing of suspense. Thanks for that.
Where's the tension? Where's the drama? What's sport without either?
The gymnastics ‘coverage’ consisted of a montage of the gold medal winning team, while tantalising commentary clips from the enthusiastic Mitch Not-Benn & the Ex-Blue Peter Boy hinted at what we'd missed.
The show jumping was edited - and by that I mean the rounds were edited. A round is barely over a minute long, what’s the point in editing it??
Oh, yes, it's so we can watch extended and excruciating footage of Gary Richardson making a twat of himself with Canoe Man (not that canoe man) David Florence & his family. Gary hung around them like the unpopular kid at school, who your mum felt sorry for and told you not to be mean to, but who you knew was unpopular for a reason.
"So, David, if you’d been told this morning you would definitely get a bronze medal would you have settled for that?"
The bemused sportsman replied: "No! the excitement is in completing the course. What’s the point otherwise?" He may or may not have muttered "Pillock" under his breath.
"So, David, this is the final competitor coming up now, he's very fast isn't he? How do you feel?" David obviously felt quite nervous and a bit stressed but, resisting the temptation to punch Richardson's lights out, restricted himself to running off to a better vantage point, muttering: "I can’t see the time from here" rather then the more tempting "I need to watch this Dickhead, Don't you understand? If this guy fucks up, I get Gold!"
The best line was saved for the Family Florence:
"You see that boy there? The one with the silver medal round his neck? That’s your son!"
Then there was Gabby's 'interview' with poor Mr Florence.
This consisted of her taunting him first with the fact that his mum had made him play nicely with Gary Richardson, then that he wasn't good enough to get accepted for astronaut training, before finally humiliating him with a poorly excecuted collage of his head on the body of an astronaut planting a union jack on the moon.
Ha bloody Ha.
He did his best to remain cheerful but he must have been wondering if it'd all been worth it.
The Boy With The Arab Strap - Belle & Sebastian
Boy From School - Hot Chip
Crying Boy - Astrid
The Boy Done Good - Billy Bragg
Labels: real life