Friday, February 25, 2005

Don't Ever Change

17.12 On Time
I'm worried about Lovely.

On other than work related matters, for the past two days, he has been virtually mute.
No jokes, no anecdotes, no innovative terms of abuse, no practical tips relating to gardening or soft furnishings. He has been 'keeping his head down and getting on with it' in a most unfamiliar way.
Charlie, Leanne, Perfect, ThesaurusBoy and I have racked our collective brain for anything we may have said or done. We were unable to think of anything, and equally convinced that had we, unwittingly, caused pain or offence, the Lovely of old would've had no hesitation in letting us know.

He says he's fine. He says everything is OK.

But it's not OK with us - we want our old Lovely back.

Anyway, in the absence of anything Office-based to become enraged about, I read this and got cross instead. What a whining, self-justifying, ninny. And I don't mean Pete Doherty.

Change - The Lightning Seeds
The Boy Done Wrong Again - Belle & Sebastian
Open - The Cure
Time Is Running Out - Muse
Homeland - Stellastarr*
Everybody Come Down - The Delgados
Bohemian Like You - Dandy Warhols
Hanging With The Wrong Crowd - Ed Harcourt
Summer Here Kids - Grandaddy

Thursday, February 24, 2005

SudanDye Bloody SudanDye

7.31 On Time
Product recalls add a certain predictability to the day.


1) Take it back, get a refund
2) Throw it out

3) Eat it

Whatever - try making your own mind up, stop asking me what you should do. I'm not a doctor.

I have other fish to fry: between 6.30 pm and 8.00am the mission statement* replacing the mission statement** that was taken down, has been taken down. Someone is obviously trying to frame the cleaners.

Do these people think I don’t have access to a printer & blu tack or something?

Leif Erikson - Interpol
Airborne - Cinerama
Reel Around The Fountain - The Smiths
Bank Holiday Monday - Stephen Duffy
Forget About Tomorrow - Feeder
Stray Dog & The Chocolate Shake - Grandaddy
It Never Happened - Astrid
Morning Glory - Oasis

*Lowering Expectations Since 2004
** In Denial Since 2005

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Wide Eyed And Legless (I've Gone And Done It Again)

7.31 On Time
Make the train stop being so noisy. And rattly. And cold.
I'm freezing. And my head hurts.

I need bacon butties and/or jammy doughnuts.

Note to Self:
When drink has been taken, despite a deep conviction that it is so, you are NOT bestowed with special powers. You become neither invisible nor inaudible. Whatever you say or do CAN (and will) be seen or heard by others.

There. That ought to do it.

It is so peaceful in the office these days.

Since the departures of UncorrectedPersonalityTraitColleague & LaidBackColleague we’ve lost our disruptive influences.
Add to that the continued absence of WalkingMedicalEncyclopediaColleague, the fact that LineManager has been on a touchy-feely ‘effective manager’ course
and that SmellyColleague is sort of AWOL for two weeks - and all is well.

There is no tension, no resentment. Everyone is pulling together.

But I’m led to believe that when there’s no friction - there's nothing to say.

However: "My dog ate my sex toy" was a good call.

Blacking Out The Friction - Death Cab For Cutie
Plastic Skull - Astrid
Unbelievable - EMF
As Serious As Your Life - Four Tet
Born Slippy - Underworld
Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes
Souljacker Part I - Eels


Tuesday, February 22, 2005

I Want You

22.51 On Time
Sometimes I think seeing Elvis sends me all out of kilter.

Sometimes (though not often enough for it to be an unhealthy thing) I wonder how many versions of 'Mystery Dance' Ross Fortune has these days. He probably stopped accumulating them at some point during 1982, but I prefer to imagine there’s still a dusty suitcase stowed away, under a bed somewhere, bursting at the seams with old bootlegs.

Every night when I go off to bed
And when I wake up
I want you.
I'm gonna say it once again instill it
I want you.
I know I'm gonna feel this way until you kill it
I want you.

Sometimes Smirnoff Ice is a good thing. And sometimes it isn't.

Blood And Chocolate - Elvis Costello

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Friday, February 18, 2005

22.51 On Time
Playing out clothes were in my bag this morning, fish and chips were on the menu for lunch and redbull was on hand for that late afternoon vitality dip. After all, careful preparation is essential to maximise potential.

There's been a spot of out-of-office bonding

Things seemed to go well. The rumour that LineManager might show up remained a rumour and, due to unforeseen circumstances, EggshellsColleague was, sadly, unable to attend.

There was some flirting, and some plans were made. And no one talked about work.
Reviewing my performance I like to think that while the quality of my drink fuelled babble was poor, I made up for it with quantity.

Uncomplicated - Elvis Costello
Find The River - REM
PS You Rock My World - Eels
Smells like Teen Spirit - Nirvana
Pyramid Song - Radiohead
Snooks (Progress Report) - Elbow
Olympian - Gene
I Want You - Elvis Costello

Thursday, February 17, 2005

The Delivery Man

8.10 On Time
Not bad for an old git.
Two and a half hours of relentless Elvis. I can appreciate it's not everybodys cup of tea but, well, only the most curmudgeonly could've come away from the Royal Court feeling short changed by that performance. He takes you up, he brings you down, he shouts, he whispers, he barely pauses for breath. He dedicates "I Don't Want To Go To Chelsea" to Steven Gerrard. He does "Good Year For The Roses" as if he'd discovered it last week. At one point he sings through his guitar.

There were a couple of songs I didn't recognise.

Perhaps I should get round to listening to "North" all the way through?

Eye Of The Needle - Divine Comedy
Breathe - Leaves
Running Out Of Angels - Elvis Costello
Back To The Treehouse - Looper
Pineapple Head - Crowded House
My Iron Lung - Radiohead
Circle Dream - 10,000 Maniacs
Wasted And Ready - Ben Kweller
The More You Ignore Me The Closer I Get - Morrisey

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

7.31 Ten Minutes Late
Gorgeous morning. The sky is cloudless. The tide is in. The alchopop bottles and crisp packets on the rail track are prettily furry with frost.
I'm on the early train so, almost inevitably, will be shit hot till half ten then crashed and burned by half twelve.

Bit of a shame really as it's Elvis this evening. There is, however, always redbull.
If I'm really good there might even be vodka redbull.*

Flight Test - Flaming Lips
Dallas, Airports, Bodybags - American Music Club
Let Myself Fall - Rosie Thomas
Pink Moon - Nick Drake
Swim For Health - Ballboy
Jet Ski Accidents - Wolf Colonel
Womans Realm - Belle & Sebastian
St Swithins Day - Billy Bragg
Hey Julie - Fountains Of Wayne
Creep - Radiohead

*Goes without saying, but in case of any confusion, NOT during working hours


Monday, February 14, 2005

Valentine's Day Is Over

On Friday, when I was pissed and worrying about not being romantic I had the totally fantastic idea of making today's blog about how brilliant the love of my life truly is.
Now I'm sober and inhibited and can't find the words.
Which I suppose, on being pissed up, would've been: "You're really, really great you are." " I really, really love you." "You're my best mate".

Ultimately, I find I'm stuck with a black & white photo of a kitten waving its paws in the air as the only medium by which to express my feelings.

Meanwhile, back in the office, normal service is resumed. Someone has removed my mission statement ("Lowering Expectations Since 2004") and the bizarre enquiries keep on coming: "How many licensed monkeys do you have in your area? and which type are they?"

Today's List is for Tim
Only Yesterday - The Carpenters
You're The Best Thing - Style Council
Into Your Arms - Lemonheads
The Luckiest - Ben Folds
The Boy Done Good - Billy Bragg
Friday I'm In Love - The Cure
Wichita Lineman - Glen Campbell
You've Got A Friend - Carole King
Funny Valentine - Elvis Costello

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Friday, February 11, 2005

17.12 On Time
Got an email from my friend J, asking what I 'd thought of the way the BRITS had gone. It's tricky as, on the one hand I'm cultivating my 'I so don't care' ennui but, on the other, I'm too furious at the whole 'Angels' fiasco to be rational.
Well, you can't say I didn't try to warn you*. The effort was too little, too late, obviously.
(And I, also, wish Snow Patrol had won something)

On the home front I am succeeding in my mission to spread the Gospel According to Douglas Coupland as first Tim, and now TheOlderBoy, have read and enjoyed "All Families Are Psychotic".
TheYoungerBoy has been keeping us plentifully supplied with out-of-date sandwiches from Boots recently (perk of the job). Although it was possibly asking for trouble to go into work today proclaiming: "I've got 'past their best' prawn sandwiches for lunch" in view of having been off yesterday with a 'bad stomach'.

Broken Hearted Among The Pines - Coope, Boyes & Simpson
Drunk Kid Catholic - Bright Eyes
Draw Down The Stars - Tom McRae
This Is The Last Time - Keane
I Hate Scotland - Ballboy
Burning Flies - Looper
There's Too Much Love - Belle & Sebastian
Weightlifting - Trashcan Sinatras
On - The Delays
WOPRM - Astrid

(*see 4th Jan)

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Back On The Train, Gang

8.10 Two Minutes Late

"Having had a couple of days off to recover from the Superbowl and do a bit of gardening it's great to be back at my desk again."

No, it's not convincing me either.

A strange day. The office feels different. We are even more understaffed, due to WalkingMedicalEncyclopediaColleague being in hospital for the purpose of having her wrists slit (her words), but it's not only that. I made a good, competent start by trapping my clothing in one of the wheels of my scooty five-wheeled chair and having to be freed by PerfectTeamMember. He was mid-call at the time, but didn't skip a beat.

Spent my lunch hour attempting to do what everyone else in the country was also apparently attempting to do.

Then spoke to a man who had consummated a contract in his car. Technically accurate, but it still seems inappropriate.

Bled White - Elliott Smith
Sick Day - Fountains Of Wayne
Secretary's Day - Rabbits
Torn - Natalie Imbruglia
She's A Star - James
Friday Im In Love - The Cure
Put The Message In The Box - World Party
Miracle - Josh Rouse
Stuck In The Middle With You - Stealers Wheel
So It Goes - Nick Lowe


Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Does This Train Stop At Lancaster?

14.48 Cancelled
I got to go to Lancaster again today, and again the sun shone and Lancaster was beautiful. Well, maybe not 'beautiful', but certainly handsome. Sadly, I was busy and didn't manage to get away before 1.45 and, even more sadly, the Sun Cafe was closed for refurbishment and I had to find somewhere else to go for lunch.

Going to Lancaster means I get to sit on a proper train, with comfy, padded, train seats rather than benches and without rattling and shaking. The hi-tech train does make a lot of unnecessary bleepy noises which I find quite distressing. Messages were broadcast from John, the Retail Manager and Kevin, the Train Manager. Later I got to meet Kevin the Train Manager in person as I got into trouble for traveling without a valid ticket. After making a bit of a fuss and giving me a copy of Virgin's new ticketing policy he reluctantly agreed to sell me the ticket I'd asked him for in the first place.
But I mustn't do it again.

Half The Fun - Snow Patrol
Mr Brightside - The Killers
Kings Crossing - Elliott Smith
Nearer Than Heaven - The Delays
Old Friends - Simon & Garfunkel
Is This All That I Came For - The Delgados
Middle Class Heroes - Divine Comedy
Slow Hands - Interpol
The Way I Am - Eminem

Tuesday, February 01, 2005


17.12 On Time
So, I expect plenty of people know someone who has had an imaginary friend at some point or another but, does anyone else know someone who had an imaginary enemy?

'Not such a bargain then' problem of the day: "I live in Preston and I wanted to fly from Manchester to Jamaica, so I booked this really cheap flight online... it goes from from Manchester, New Hampshire..."

Wasted & Ready - Ben Kweller
Planets - Teenage Fanclub
Alright - Supergrass
Why Does It Always Rain On Me? - Travis
Manhattan - Cinerama
A New England - Kirsty McColl
Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots ptI - The Flaming Lips
You Could Feel The Sky - Boards Of Canada

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